I Can't
by Autistic Lance
Summary: When Soul asks Kidd to go with him to one of Lord Death's parties as a date, the reaper insists he'll go—but he decides at the last minute that he isn't quite ready to come out to anyone.


**Author's Note: I haven't written enough gay stuff yet, so why not use my OTP to fix that?**

**It'll make sense why I'm saying this farther into this thing, but while I was writing, my friend Michael just asked me, "What if Blackstar had a little gay crush and started getting defensive whenever Kidd did something to Soul he didn't like?" I accepted it and ran with it.**

* * *

It was a known fact that Lord Death enjoyed throwing parties, no matter what kind. For the party that was scheduled to be held the next night, he decided that it would be to celebrate the summer. It was a pretty stupid thing to celebrate, however—it was the season of godawful heat. Still, whatever the reason, it didn't seem to matter. After all, a party was a party, and Soul intended to take Kidd along with him.

"So, hey," Soul said casually, resting his arm on the back of the couch, "I've been meaning to ask you something."

His boyfriend shifted, snuggling against him. "What would that be?"

"That party your dad set up is tomorrow night, so I was wondering... Will you come with me, as my date?"

Kidd was silent for a while, obviously grappling between his options. He couldn't be blamed for it—no one aside from their friends even knew either of them was into the same gender, and surely negative things would be said if they came out as not-so-heterosexual, especially by using a date to a party to do so.

"I don't know if I could," he stated finally. "I understand that even asking me would be difficult, taking your reputation into account... But I'm sure things will be said, and I don't know how much of that I could take."

"Since when do you care what people think."

"Since I already...I already hate myself enough as it is."

It was a response Soul wasn't quite expecting, so he wasn't sure how to give a reply to it. How could he have failed to notice something like that? Sure, the reaper went into fits of self-loathing sometimes, but he didn't think it was only because the self-loathing already there being suppressed started spilling over.

"Forget I asked, then." Soul smiled in a gentle, somewhat apologetic way.

Kidd shifted awkwardly. "It's—I'm sorry, Soul, I'll go. It's not fair to you if I don't."

"And it's fair to you if I—"

"I'll be fine. I'm going, and I won't let you change my mind."

Silently hoping that giving in so easily wouldn't make him a bad boyfriend, he complied.

* * *

"I thought you said he was coming."

Blackstar leaned against against the wall with the sole of one of his feet against it and his arms crossed, twitching impatiently. The main reason he had come wasn't for the food, for once—he knew as well as everyone else in on the secret that there was a definite guarantee that the others attending the party wouldn't all be completely accepting of Soul and Kidd's relationship, so Blackstar took it upon himself make sure anyone who shot nasty comments or insults in their direction would be taught a lesson for it. There were qualities that made him a good friend, and his willingness to always defend his friends no matter what was one of those qualities.

"I thought he was." Soul gave a small shrug. "He insisted on it. He must be running late or something."

"No one with a magic skateboard runs forty-five minutes late. Hey, maybe he just stood you up."

Soul was fairly sure his friend wasn't trying to make a joke. His tone of voice indicated possible resentment and he had a trace of irritability on his face. There was also a spark in his eyes that gave away that perhaps he was thinking something along the lines of _If I'm right, he's gonna die._

"Not cool, man." As if Kidd would even do that! If he didn't want to do something, surely he would be honest enough to say so outright, even if it was a last-minute decision. "I'll go look for him."

After some walking around, he found the reaper sitting near the bottom of the front steps of the academy. He jumped down the stairs four at a time. Kidd looked up the first time he heard Soul hit the cement, then quickly looked away. Soul sat down next to his boyfriend, causing him to scoot away a few inches. He looked away, acting almost as if he pretended no one was with him meant he would be left alone. That, however, wasn't going to happen.

"You're the coolest boyfriend ever," the silver-haired boy said. "Have I told you that yet?"

"How could I be?" Kidd countered quietly. "I'm a worthless piece of garbage."

Soul shrugged and slipped an arm around Kidd and pulled him closer. "Don't say that about yourself. You tried to do something you weren't comfortable with for me. That's pretty cool."

"But I—"

The scythe cut him off with a gentle kiss.

"Stop with the negativity, will you? That's completely _un_cool."

Kidd let out a soft sigh. "I still should have been able to have the courage to at least go inside at very least."

After a few moments of silence, Soul stood up and offered his hand. "Then how about you try again? I'll be right by your side the whole time."

The reaper gave a slight smile and took his boyfriend's hand. "I'll be able to do it this time."

* * *

**Author's Note: .-. Why do I insist on writing a couple I'm not good at?**

**Also please review, that would be fabulous.**


End file.
